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Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Sometimes I wish I was on the run from the police, or possibly in the witness protection program, just so I could invent a completely new person, and then try to become them. I would come up with the most outlandishly different person from myself I could, just to see if I could transform into that girl. I would choose someone who lives in a less traditional house than I do, maybe a houseboat or a weird little loft above a bakery, so it always smells like baking bread. I would require whoever was hiding me to shell out some cash for hair dye and extensions so I could have dirty-blonde hair to my waist, and I would wear the same paint-splattered overalls all the time and no makeup. I wouldn't own a car, rather, I would drive a scooter, some battered old yamaha thing. I would live in a quiet coastal town somewhere and be on first name basis with the guy who bags my groceries. I would learn several languages and meditate early every morning. I would choose an odd name, something completely unlike mine. My last name would be Malouf. My first would be Chloe, Zoe, Gwen, something cute like that. I would be soft-spoken and not make many friends. People will ask about me, simply because I am so mysterious. "My, that Chloe Malouf sure is quiet, isn't she? But nice. Nope, not loud and irritating at all." I'd work in a bookstore. I'd own cats. I would stay in on the weekends and eat more fruit than candy and figure out how to be peaceful.

It'll be great.

Sunday, March 28, 2004



I have been working a lot lately. I wear an apron with large pockets meant to hold waitress related memorabilia, as in pens, checks, money, what-have-you. By the end of my shift, these pockets are stuffed full. Not with any of these things. Rather, they are stuffed with handfuls of gummy bears stolen from dry storage. Mmm, gummy theft.

I have also been thinking a lot lately. And my profound thought as of yesterday morning around 7:30 is this. It is a sad fact that many of us fall in love with people who don't love us back. It is one of the saddest feelings in the world. It is also very easy to get very comfortable with your melancholy feelings and cling to that person forever and ever, even after they have a girlfriend and/or make out with other people in your company and/or are just terrible people. But there's no point in living your whole life as a tragic figure. You should be making yourself positive, and to do that you have to move on. Think of this metaphor...

Your life, and the people in it, are passengers on a very crowded subway train. That person, that dream date, is on there too, and you've possibly bumped into him, made eye contact with this strange person. But he's just that, a stranger that happens to be in your space. He isn't the destination. At some point you're going to get somewhere, and you will step off the train and that is what matters. He might be on the train when you step off to something new, he might get off a few stops earlier. He has his own journey. You have yours. You have things in common, because you are, after all, on the same train, dealing with the same late stops and smelly fellow passengers. But those aren't lasting things. At some point you might step off that train and that stranger's stop might be the same as yours. Then you have something to work with. Until then, don't worry yourself about it.

And next time, just try to just snag a seat on the damn subway so you don't have to deal with all the shoving.

Friday, March 26, 2004

I'm too angsty and sad to come up with anything to say. So here's what I'm gonna do. I'ma gonna post this picture of Rivers:



Stare at this picture. Sigh dreamily. Repeat.

Friday, March 19, 2004



In honor of the upcoming release of the Blue Album special edition, I decided to post the lyrics to my favorite Weezer song. Woot.

Longtime Sunshine

sometimes i wanna pack it all up, get on a bus and move to vermont
or maine, or any of those states back east that i remember
sometimes i wanna go back to school to an east coast college with some history
i'd be satisfied, i know, in the simple things

longtime sunshine, longtime sunshine upon me

sometimes i wanna build a house with a woodstove or a fireplace
in the middle of the living room an old piano
sometimes it don't seem so bad to settle down with a good woman
leave this lonely life behind forever and ever

longtime sunshine, longtime sunshine upon me
longtime sunshine, longtime sunshine upon me

sometimes i wanna get in a car, close my eyes and drive real fast
keep on going 'til i get some place where i can truly rest

longtime sunshine, longtime sunshine upon me
longtime sunshine, longtime sunshine upon me

Wednesday, March 17, 2004



I'm really sad I wasted a whole dollar on my ticket to see Haunted Mansion. The ride is so much cooler. 'Specially the song the heads sing in the graveyard. And the whole "Please, do not lower your seat restraint. I will do it for you, mwa ha ha ha haaaaaaa!" And then the bar really does lower itself and you say "Oh my hell, how freaky!"

Sunday, March 14, 2004



Having such a rare name I have always had problems finding things with my name on them. Especially those dumb souvenir license plates or personalized pencils. Every Chris, Megan or Sarah at my school got to skip over the store wheeeeneeever they wanted to and buy stuff with themselves advertised all over it. The closest I could get was Lindsay or (gag) Linda. I take a little comfort in the fact that, if you look at the english language, both of those names actually originated from mine back in old english, but really, now much more can you say about the name Linden then "man, that sounds like the name of a dude."

Well this "dude" sound some pretty cool Linden stuff on google.

Here is a pub-slash-brewery in Germany that brews beer named after me. It's called Lindenbrau. It even has a rad logo!

For those of you who don't know, a Linden tree is similar to an oak tree, and apparently they're all over Europe. Berlin even has an entire street lined with them called Unter Der Linden!

The Linden Room of The Inn at the Park on Lake Michigan. Decor inspired by little old grandmas everywhere!

The Trevor Linden award. The highest honor a table hockey champion can aspire to!

When you think of me, think of vegan shoes!

Abbey Park in Berlin (those Berliners love me!) features 250 year old Linden Trees! Wow, them's old me-trees!

And finally, looking for me? Just follow this handy map! And man is it right, Linden does shop!

In conclusion, Berlin loves me. And the rest of the world is slowly catching on. Go me-trees! Er, I mean, go me!

Monday, March 08, 2004



As my roommate who has to share a television with me can tell you, I luuuurv Law & Order. I love it so much the first thing I do when I turn on my television, regardless of what I've turned it on to watch, is surf through every channel just to make sure I'm not missing any Law and Order-ness. Several friends are heartbroken over the fact I would rather watch SVU at six in the evening than Simpsons, but hey, man, its my television! And really, who needs **real** friends when I can go on the beat with Lennie Briscoe and the gang? Or take in a riveting closing argument from Jack McCoy?

I also luuurv the fact that other people love Law & Order just as much as I do. One of them is Brandon Hunt. Brandon is not only a cool fan, he is a cool artist. I am now proud to say that I have in my possesion a print of his fanpainting, Lennie Grabs a Dog. I will cherish it like it is my child. A fully grown, hot-dog-eating, wise-cracking, homicide-investigating child.

I might have to lay off the syndicated re-runs though. I'm starting to get really attracted to Detective Munch. I blame it on the fact I saw him for reals in a bookstore in Park City once.

Thursday, March 04, 2004

Hey, you know what's cool? Making new friends. I joined friendster and so you should too! Look me up under Linden Shminden! Its like socializing but without all the getting up and walking around!

Amandapant's birthday is Friday. I'm planning the biggest hootenanny. Its going to be chock full of hoot, with just a little bit of nanny. I'd tell you, dear blog, what I'm getting her, but she reads this. That would be cheating. So I'm going to make something up:

This year I bought Amanda the biggest transformer robot ever constructed. It is illegal in 35 countries. It shoots real lasers.

Monday, March 01, 2004



Mars found this for me and it is RAD.

In other news, the weather is looking much much nicer now that all the horrible snow has melted. Its leaning towards spring and you know what that means. Spring equals new celebrity crushes!!! Okay, so days that end in "y" also equal new celebrity crushes, but who cares? I needed a good intro to talk about my new favorite "hotties," as the kids say these days. So here they are in no particular order:

Hal Sparks, I love you. You are the reason I watch many many hours of I Love the 80's.
Aaron McGruder, I love you. You posess an incendiary wit even though I have no clue what we would talk about, as we have nothing in common.
Shia LaBeouf, I love you. Even though you are too young for me and I belong in special pervert hell for thinking you're dreamy. Plus you do improv. That is awesome.
MacKenzie Crook, I love you. You are odd-looking and very skinny, and yet I am strangely, irresistably attracted to you. I love The Office. I love you.

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