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Sunday, February 29, 2004

And another great one!

Service Tip:
We can dance if we want to

Sales Builder:
We can leave your friends behind

Hospitality:
Cause if they can't dance
Then they're no friend of mine


Safety: (Dance)
Everybody look at your pants

Saturday, February 28, 2004

We have a board at work with headings on it to help us all improve our waitressing. Here is a slice of the fun when my darling Mars gets ahold of it.

Service Tip:
Do it right the first time.
Then you can do it wrong the second time.

Sales Builder:
Americans are fat. They like pie.

Hospitality:
Be hospitable, damnit!

Safety Tip:
Stop, Drop, and Roll

Monday, February 23, 2004



Yeah, I auditioned for Prancing Ass in the Background #2. but I didn't get it. Courtesy of the onion.

Sunday, February 22, 2004



Last night around one in the morning I was driving home from Cottonwood Mall. At one point I stopped at a red light, and casually looked first to the left, then to the right. On the right was a closed restuarant, and I think my heart seized up for a moment from pure fear, because for that one moment, I honestly thought there was a full-grown man dressed as a clown, standing at the window staring out at me. Then I realized the restaurant was a McDonalds and it was a cardboard cutout of Ronald McDonald. A poster of a full-grown man dressed as a clown. Then I decided that was almost as scary.

Thursday, February 19, 2004



I have added a new blog to my list of favorites. Kudos to Frustrated Writer for existing and Ross White for recommending it. Here's my favorite quote from my new favorite blog:

"I loved watching The Pharaoh’s in a Rut episode [of the old Batman series] this weekend, where Batman is supposed to be tortured and driven crazy by small metal bearings being dropped on his head, then does a crazy dance to convince the bad guy that he is, indeed, crazy. Part of the dance involved the V-ing your hands across your eyes thing like Uma Thurman did in Pulp Fiction. But then Batman stopped dancing, captured the bad guy, and informed the bad guy that he kept himself from going crazy by reciting the multiplication tables backwards in his head."

This makes me v. happy because as only my sister and an old neighbor lady named Lil know (long story), my very first crush was on Burt Ward as Robin. Man, was he smashing in tights.

Tuesday, February 17, 2004



I spent the weekend home with the family, so its time for another edition of Hey Kids! Angie Sez:

"Oh, yeah, I have a list of people I have to meet sometime during my life! I have to meet George Bush, Tony Blair, and... ehm...Willie Nelson."

Sunday, February 15, 2004



My new apartment is neat. My new apartment is in a cement tower downtown and 2/3 of the people who live there are old people on some sort of government program. There is a man who lives three doors down from me with an artificial limb who cheerfully asks that I call him Captain Hook, because everyone else does. My apartment smells like an ashtray, but it has free basic cable. Basic Cable, which equals Linden watching loads and loads of I Love The 80's Marathon on VH1. The office building behind our apartment tower is being torn down, so when there isn't nostalgia comedy to watch I can instead watch a great big bloody wrecking ball bashing apart a building!!! So neat. So cool. I don't know what I'll do when they run out of building to knock over.

In other me-related news, I saw the movie Timeline. It is very terrible. But it taught me one valuable filmmaking lesson:

When your plot starts to unravel, just have big trebuchets (catapaults) hucking great fiery chunks of rock at walls. Film it from various angles. Then make the walls explode in slow motion. Add a shot of a few knights being thrown from these exploding walls, also in slow motion, maybe with arrows being shot at them. These arrows should also, if possible, be on fire. Then cut to a shot of Paul Walker saying "Whoa."

Classic.

Thursday, February 12, 2004

Celebrate Weezer Day!



Hey, all alone on Valentine's day but musically hip? Don't celebrate it! Celebrate Weezer Day instead! The band formed in 1992 on February 15th, and they are rad. So why not celebrate their day? Most people (nerds) who celebrate this day do so by wearing their favorite Weezer t-shirt, hoodie, button, or patch and listen to their cds all day. You can still eat all the candy but you can listen to Pinkerton while doing it! Hooray for Weezer Day!

I am so excited to see the new Quiznos commercial featuring the animations from Rathergood.com and I tend to stop whatever I'm doing just to watch it. It makes me smile, especially the bit about how you can use any kind of coupon, even one for pony rides or hair plugs, but "beware of paper cuuuuts!"

WEEZER DAY IS COMING. WEEZER DAY IS SATURDAY. CELEBRATE WEEZER DAY BECAUSE IT IS COOL AND YOU DON'T NEED A BOYFRIEND TO DO IT.

Wednesday, February 04, 2004



Today was a pretty decent day. Not just for the fact I had a really fun conversation at work with Aya about Simon and Garfunkel (according to him, the words aren't Me and Julio down by the schoolyard, but You me and Julio down by the schoolyard. I just want to know what Julio's doing down by the schoolyard, really.) Today was also good because I got to meet one of my top five people in the universe, a miss Lauren Greenfield. For those of you who don't know, Lauren Greenfield is the photographer responsible for amazing books like Fast Forward and Girl Culture. She is a documentarian of real slice-of-life photography and the reason I even dared meddle with photography myself. She gave a lecture at the Salt Lake City Arts Center and was nice enough to chat with me after and sign my copies of her books. Maybe someday I'll have the good fortune to have an exhibit somewhere in Los Angeles, and maybe I'll even be lucky enough to have Lauren Greenfield see my photos somewhere. Because that would be pretty nifty.

So I have a confession to make. It has happened four times in the past two weeks. I tell myself I'll stop, that I know its coming, but I just get drawn back in. Its like a train wreck. I know how it will end.

I go down the Valentine's Day aisle at the back of the store.

Its something about the smell of the chocolate and the bright reds and pinks of the cellophane and cardboard, I think, luring me in. Even though I'm trying my hardest to pretend Valentine's Day is not at all important to me, insignificant really, I just keep finding myself standing in front of those heart-shaped boxes of candy whimpering like a puppy. Its not my fault. You can't blame people with no families to visit for disliking Christmas, can you? Well the concept of a day dedicated entirely to expressing romantic love is about as pleasant for someone who hasn't received so much as a conversation heart since grade school. And I probably only did that well grades K-6 because of that rule where every kid in class has to give every other kid in class a valentine. To me, February 14th is like a long horrible poll, results posted in gift and dinner form. Suddenly the whole world seems to be made up of either happy couples or bitter singles resolutely pretending they don't know what day it is and wouldn't care even if they did. I'm somewhere in the middle. I can't hate the day, but I can't celebrate it either. 'Cause there's just the one of me.



This picture has nothing to do with anything. I just find it v. funny.

Monday, February 02, 2004



Its a valentine. Its weird. It features pie. Send it to the one you love.

Sunday, February 01, 2004



I have officially been a waitress for two weeks. How cool is that? Plenty cool, and I'm learning a lot. Like how people don't like having things, especially hot coffee, spilled on them. Let me back up. I've been unemployed since August, when my nannying gig ended. Somehow a week or two turned into a month or two turned into several months and I was still just sleeping until noon and watching daytime television in my undies. Then I started prepping for my trip to Los Angeles and rehearsing for 'Dentity Crisis and it just got crazy for a month or two and by then it had been five months. So I did the thing I told myself I was going to try and avoid and begged my roommate to get me a job at Marie Callendars where she works. And she was of course sick of having me hogging the couch in all my underwear glory and not paying bills and put in a good word for me and bingo! Instant employment! When I told my mom I finally had a job, she started dancing. As in shaking her bum and waving her arms in the air and twirling. There might have been singing. I told her to stop and she just started adding some jumps. Its safe to say the family was pleased. So flash forward to today, where I pull out all the waitress wisdom I have learned in just two simple weeks of slinging pie and homestyle bakes.

1. I have always chewed on the ends of my pens. Sometimes when I go out to restaurants I find myself putting the end of the pen I've been handed along with the credit card receipt into my mouth and then I yank it back out, disgusted. I thought that was the grossest thing in the world. Now I realize being the waitress being handed back the pen and wondering if its been in that person's mouth is one step nastier.

2. According to my new work friend Kim, the proper and most effective waitress answer to any customer question or complaint is always "I have a knife."

3. GOD KNOWS WHEN YOU DON'T TIP. The magnet on my fridge does not lie. He can see you and if you do he will karmically bitch slap you. If you are Buddhist, then Buddha will do it. Someone will come get you. I have to believe this.

4. It can be very very tempting to deliberately screw up on an order of steak and eggs just so you can eat them for free.

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