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Friday, October 31, 2003

Happy Halloween! Happy Halloween! I'll Say It Twice!



As we speak top men are working to craft the awesomest Halloween that ever was awesome here at my place. Okay, not top men. Just me. But still, hey with the awesomeness! More on this awesome-ocity and other stories later today. I still have to go buy mini candy bars.

"You know what its like when your dog dies. You have to start this whole new life, you know?"
---Heard in passing from a woman talking to a clerk at Grunts and Postures

"Thats the best damn looking man I ever seen!"
---Enthusiastic man at Shopko who saw me buying a camera while in my poncho and drawn on El Guapo mustache. Either he checks out guys a lot, or...

Thursday, October 30, 2003

I'm Dye-ing to be Boo-tiful, Mu-hoo-ha!

So I've gone and hit the bottle again. The dye bottle that is. Those of you who know me know that my hair color doesn't stay any particular color for long, but remember how I swore after I turned it light red in August that I would keep it that way for-EVER? I lied. Also, my agent made me go to something closer to my natural color. Since he's the one getting me to my competition in Los Angeles I pretty much do anything he says so off I went to dear Chelsea, my favorite stylist in the whole world. Now I'm sort of dark brown/red because I still want the red in there. My mother is a redhead, and my hair has a bit of that in it. I like the idea of having some shred of redhead in my personality. When I get a minute to monkey out my scanner next week I'll post some pictures from my Halloween shindig (if I find one?) to show off both my cool costume and my new haircolor.

How happy am I that I have 2 six-packs of diet cherry coke in my fridge? Thiiiiiiiiiis happy!!

Wednesday, October 29, 2003



Monday I went to a stake Halloween dance. I'd forgotten one delightful fact about LDS dances...they're FREE. No paying to get in at all. I still know I'll be asked to slow-dance by some weirdo who's a good food and a half shorter than me who hasn't been introduced to a little something called dental hygiene. I still know that sometime during the night someone will start a break-dance circle which will collapse after the third bad attempt at some cool break-dancing move. I know Cotten-Eye Joe will be played and danced to. I still know that there will be a group of freshmen in khakis in the corner just making that "whoo- whooo" sound with their hands in the air, even if it is to the rythm of a Spice Girls song. There will be people swing-dancing. For no damn reason. But I didn't care about any of that. Why? Because against all odds, I had fun. And also,
It was free.

Also, I carved a pumpkin. Pumpkin guts are really disgusting. Remind me never to do that again. Or at least to hire an assistant to gut my pumpkin for me before I begin carving it. Because I still like that part. The carving part.

Halloween Essay Question #1

The Monster Mash. Was it indeed a graveyard smash? Discuss.



Tuesday, October 28, 2003

For some reason unbeknownst to conscious not-sleepy me, I got up in the middle of the night without waking up, took the pillowcase off of my pillow, folded it up and set it next to my bed, and went back to sleep. How's that for the wacky dreamage?

Funny Buffy line of the night: "Its like someone slaughtered an entire Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue in here!"


Oh, wow. (Insert shocked yet amused pause here.) See Ryloc's blog for more on this little disaster. Watch out for the Lambert logo on the top of the page, though. It spins and makes a freaky cat noise! Seriously, I jumped. I kinda like crotchety old Mr. McGruff though. Thanks to Ryloc and Jady for the link.

Monday, October 27, 2003

Hours Later...

I'm still coming back to that apostrophe thing. Hallowe'en? Lame!
Hallowe'en? Since when is there an apostrophe?



Ah, Halloween! My favorite holiday of the year! Its less than a week away. I have paper skeletons in my windows. I have a costume half-completed, because I always end up leaving these things until the last minute. I have a large plastic tupperware bowl selected to hold the miniature candy bars I will be handing out to all the trick or treaters that I'm hoping will think our dead crunchy lawn is a deliberate Halloween decoration to make our house look "spooky." I have yet to actually buy these little candy bars, preferably of the Three Musketeers variety, because if I bought them now I would eat them. To keep me from eating them all to the chagrin of the poor little children (why won't you think of the children?) I must wait to purchase them until I know I will have no time to finish off the entire bag. So about 20 minutes before the trick-or-treaters arrive, I buy them. I play it safe. Can you blame me?

Also, if you are a friend or acquaintance of mine, and you have made plans not to dress up for Halloween, I will be coming to your house. To slap you. And also make you put on a costume.

Sunday, October 26, 2003



I'm IN!

Friday, October 24, 2003

Am I a Loser?



No, seriously, am I? I really wonder on nights like this when I'm sitting alone in my house thinking to myself "I wonder where my roommates are?" I hate to judge myself based on the standards of Seventeen magazine but I seriously question my place in life at the moment. I see no boyfriend, no job, no activity to consume a Friday evening. I see no connections being made except those being made on the television I'm staring at. At the gym today I convinced myself that this is a good thing for me because it makes me grow on a personal level, makes me be strong and clever and develop interesting opinions on difficult books and the human condition. However there are just so many opinions on the human condition you can form before you get really sick of talking to yourself. Where did I go wrong to create this absence of social fun? More importantly, when did I fall into a pattern that doesn't seem to involve any romantic fun?

Thursday, October 23, 2003

Happy Blogday!!!



Well, pals, its been a whole year since I started this blog, and that is radly! To me, anyway. I used the excuse to buy myself a slice of pie so I'm happy. I've had a thought. For those of you who have been following Lobsterita since the beginning, I've organized a special treat! Just show up at my front door on October 31st between the hours of 6 and 9 to receive your free fun size candy bar! Just don't spread it around. I don't want want any freeloaders showing up.

Wednesday, October 22, 2003



This picture is so cool I might die.
Sweet City of Salt


I realized today that I've blogged many entries while seriously miffed at the city I live in and the general state of Utah, but I never seem to have anything nice to say. Why is this? My relationship with the state and city of my birth is definetly of the love/hate variety, but where's the love? Where has the love gone? So now a love letter to Salt Lake City:

Oh, Salt Lake! Thank you for birthing me! Though not literally because...ew. I love the smell in the air when Summer is over and Fall is starting and its crisp and nice so that you could wear a sweater if you want to but you don't really have to! Thank you for those options! I adore Grunts and Postures, the thrift store to end all thrift stores! I love eating a lunch of blackcurrent soda and Aero candy bars at London Market! I love the houses in the avenues, built of sturdy brick and 100 years old if a day, perched on hills that are murder to walk up but even more murderous to cars with manual transmission. I love winters where there is so much snow you can jump off your roof into it! I love movie ticket prices that aren't as much as New York charges! I love the salt flats! I love Kilby Court! I love driving past the old Primary Children's Hospital to freak myself out! I love grassy hills to roll down and the really inexpensive taco stands on State Street and homemade taffy and all the statues of metal people hugging or planting vegetables! Salt Lake, you are cool!

Elliott Smith, we will miss you.

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

This is All True Except for the Math Partso and so
You are So and So. You're smart. And boys like you.
This makes your friends jealous. You look soooo
good.


Which Teen Girls Squad Member are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Friday, October 17, 2003

Lessons In TV-Land



I have cable now, but its only basic cable. No Sci-Fi Channel or MTV or, my nerdy favorite, History Channel. However I do have something no public television set-jockey has. I have a little something called TV Land. Let me tell you, it is awesome. So far here is the system I have worked out. I like The Flying Nun more than Gidget. I like Bewitched better than I Dream of Jeannie. I enjoy Bewitched more than The Flying Nun. I like the Munsters better than The Addams Family and also more than Bewitched because it has the best theme song. However I Dream of Jeannie also has an excellent theme song. MacGyver is the lamest show ever. Could he at least try to just use something that already exists? Just once? I think Major Nelson is dreamier than Darren. However Mister Ed is by far the best show ever. I had never seen an episode before in my life before I moved to TV Land and now I watch it every day if I'm up before noon (no small feat!) Mister Ed is the coolest show ever.

Thursday, October 16, 2003

Can't Stop the Rock, Can't Stop the Rock

Tonight I went to a party. I have some thoughts on Mormon parties. Mormon kids love to throw parties, but they don't like to dance. They like funky punk and rap songs, but don't like all the swears, so they buy the edited versions of the albums you can find at Walmart. They bring excellent food, since they have no alcohol to purchase or distract themselves with. Lots of people who come to Mormon parties are very very shy or quiet and must be tricked into being silly and having a good time. Playing crazy songs from the 80's usually does this. The parties are over very early but you meet lots of people and have very nice friendly conversations. Usually there is one person who you don't know who also watches Homestar cartoons or Space Ghost and then you have something to talk about for a few hours. There is always one really ugly weird boy who just stands in the corner and says nothing to you until he things he has a shot at dating you. Then he will not leave you alone. That is all I have to say about Mormon parties.

And Now, a Secret:

I have the name of a crush written on a pair of my underwear. And I will not tell you what the name of that crush is.

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

Wha' happened to my blog?



Goodbye little pink kitties! My blog is approaching its first birthday and has decided it needs a new look, something a little less...kitteny. Something, dare I say, a little more hip? Fun? Fab? Use whichever three letter word you want, but I'm turning over a new online leaf. Hopefully life will imitate blog and do the same.

Also, watched Little Shop of Horrors again. Did anyone else notice that Christopher Guest plays the first customer? I sure did.

Tuesday, October 14, 2003



I'm all for fads. I really am. More importantly, I'm into my own fads. In my time I've done the geek thing, the hippy thing, the retro thing. I love to experiment with clothes. Thrift stores are my friends, because I can get some idea and go find it for three dollars instead of forty. I respect the public's right to create their own look and express themselves visually, but I have a bone to pick. When did the world decide they were all alternative little punks? I am the last person in America to call myself a punk, but having shaggy haired little skater people running rampant across Salt Lake City is very confusing to me! You're all confusing me! No longer do I know who is actually a skateboarder or in a band and who just shops at Dilliards. I am a very visual person, and you're all confusing me. In a sick sad way, I almost miss tek vests. Because yes, most of you sporting Atticus gear and studded belts and riding your boards home from school were wearing them a few short years ago. Those Dashboard Confessional or Blink 182 albums in your stereos? I know N'Sync used to live in there. I'm on to you. Soon enough you'll be wearing shiny pants or weird glittery halter tops or whatever else MTV tells you to wear and I can have my pretentious bohemian coffee shops back.


Sunday, October 12, 2003


I'm Too Cool For School, But Not Books

Hooray for reading! When I was in grade school I was a little hellion. I stole and didn't pay attention in class. However all I stole were my classroom's copies of Scholastic classics. The not paying attention? Due to the fact I was reading the book hidden on my lap under the desk. To this day my bookshelf at home has a good dozen books with the name of my 6th grade teacher in magic marker on them. My mom might have found most of them and made me return them, but there were just too many for her to track down them all, ba ha ha.
These days my problem is excess. Obviously I have no class to read during, so I compensate in crazy reading behavior by starting multiple books and reading them all simultaneously. Right now I'm smack in the middle of the following:

The Slippery Slope by Lemony Snicket
An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison
Nepal: A Mountain Kingdom by Kerry Moran
The Museum of Hoaxes by Alex Boese

Friday, October 10, 2003



I could sit down and write an entire blogette on my little mini-break to scenic Logan, Utah. I could gush about what a big dumb girl I am and how much I enjoyed getting to go to the ballet and hang out with my friends but I'm not going to. Because every single second that you, whoever you are, are reading this, is a second you are not spending in the movie theater watching Kill Bill. And I just can't allow that. Hi-yaaaaa!

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Catch This


Excuse me while I shudder with disgust.

I am a member of a sorority. This is quite a feat as I am not actually enrolled in any college or university and we are in fact an LDS sorority which isn't really a sorority at all. I'm going to stop referring to us as a sorority. Sororities are a group of girls who live together, party together, and generally get down with the funky sisterly college life. Oh yeah, and drink. We of course do none of these things. What we do is sit around in a church building after hours, and eat fun size candy bars. You know, something to keep busy with until we get married.
I've been a member of Lambda Delta Sigma for over a year now. What makes me so bitter all of a sudden? Its a little thing called Catch A Cougar.

This is, apparently, how it works. A group of girls just panting for some wholesome Mormon youth of their own, load up into a car and drive down to Provo. They split up and knock on the doors of Brigham Young University apartments and dorms until men open the doors. They then ask whichever fine strapping male Cougar answers the door out on a date to get ice cream. If that total stranger agrees, you have caught a Cougar. You win.

There is no way to begin on how ill this idea makes me. The fact that it barely avoided becoming the activity of choice for sorority this week, and lost only due to the discomfort of sorority gals with boyfriends, makes me, my sorority sisters, and this entire state that much more of a ridiculous stereotype.
Wat
Wat Falhurst - He loves you so much but just make
sure you don't have a conversation with him
about astro physics


Which A Knights Tale bloke are you going to marry?
brought to you by Quizilla

I love that this quiz has a picture of Alan Tudyk, who does in fact play Wat, but is actually a screen capture from a completely different movie.

Insert humorous pirate quote here!

Monday, October 06, 2003

Ah, the good old days. When the kids down the street had parents who didn't sew them elaborate new costumes every halloween and had to wear a plastic body suit with a picture of a cartoon character on it. Looked more like He-man's pajamas than He-man himself. I of course made fun of them but someone apparently loved those costumes enough to dedicate a site to them. Enjoy many characters of yesteryear in all their squeaky sweaty stuck-to-your-skin and stinking-up-the-footies glory.

Holy crap, does anyone else remember Lady Lovelylocks? I was on that show like a heroin addict on, well, heroin. I remember I never owned one of the dolls, but I did swipe a few of the barette/animal friends from my friends. Those little barettes that were shaped like bunnies or birds or something were the best part anyway.

Oh, and by the way, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!


Sunday, October 05, 2003

photo of Lelaina
Lelaina Pierce (Winona Ryder) is a college graduate
who gets herself fired from her job at the show
Good Morning Grant! and winds up calling a
psychic hotline after not being able to find
another job. She isn't the most mentally stable
person, but she does what she has to do.


Which REALITY BITES character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Something my roommate had sent to her:

A Walkman personal stereo is a wise investment, as it allows you to listen only to your choice of music, and drowns out disagreeable loud noises common in American cities such as honking car horns, screams for help, and the Dave Matthews Band.

I took a class yesterday from Red Cross and got certified in first aid and CPR. We mostly just watched videos so dated Indiana Jones might be searching for them as we speak to place in a museum. Is it wrong to make fun of injured children if they're only pretending to be injured on a video? Because it was pretty damn funny. One character looked like Pauly Shore in a fanny pack. A bunch of them were set in some town called Riverdale. I was sitting there for a good hour before I figured out thats where Archie, Jughead, and Josie and the Pussycats live. Someone should warn them they're walking some dangerous streets.

Thursday, October 02, 2003

meeheememeee

You know that smarmy tone you adopt when you're telling a story about someone you don't like, so when you're telling someone the bit about what that person said to you you make their voice all squeaky and smarmy and whiny? I was at the grocery store buying all the lame healthy food I have to eat now that I'm going into modelling, and I passed a guy in the frozen foods aisle spinning a sad little story of his own about someone, maybe a co-worker. He was using the smarmy voice and I found myself wondering, hey, is this smarmy thing universal?
If I was listening to a conversation between two Australian bushmen in the outback, obviously understanding nothing, and one of them started speaking in this "meeheememeee" little voice would I be able to instantly understand they're talking about some jackass from the next tribe over who steals goats?

Also, am I the biggest book nerd in the world or does anyone else get why this is such a hilarious name for an actual pill?

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

I Love Carabba!

Caught the Dashboard Confessional show at Saltair last night. I screamed like a giddy schoolgirl. Gorgeous, all of it. Except for the smell of brine shrimp. That wasn't so gorgeous.

What, this place is a concert venue? Get over it already. Its awesome.


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